- We’re Practically Fuc@in Rock Stars already…
Hey, if it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck…well. Most horror fans have more black t-shirts than a theater major performance artist and enough piercings to put Newark International Airport on high alert. Throw our tattoos in the mix and you get the next best thing to being a groupie minus all that stigma. So if you ever heard the expression “fuc@ like a rockstar” you might just get all the perks without having to wait up for the tour bus to pull back into town.
- We’re all about the ambience, baby.
Most horror fans would much rather get you in a dark room with the nice soft glow of a television playing our favorite slasher flick than inviting all of our drunk buddies over for nachos and Monday Night Football. Don’t get me wrong, I love nachos. Pile on the pulled pork and tortilla chips and I’m a happy man, BUT, while the average American household sees a bunch of latent homosexual ex-jocks pretending they don’t just LOOOOVE seeing their favorite player in tights, all WE really wanna do is get you on the coach with all the lights off…and maybe a tub of popcorn with enough butter to choke a heart attack.
- We know you gotta make that sh#t count!!!
Premarital sex in the world of horror is as good as drinking a Drain-O cocktail while pissing on an electric fence. If there was a ever a movie fan that realizes the fleeting sweetness of a live lived well, it’s the horror fan. Feel like a little campground cunnilingus? DEAD. A little Haddonfield Halloween horndoggery? Dead. Whether it’s a post-coital machete through the neck or a penile piranha predicament this time could be your last so you better make it count!!!
- We aint squeamish at the sight of a little blood…
So it looks like Aunt Flow just aint getting the hint and now she’s camped out on the couch during DATE NIGHT?!?!?! Listen the typical horror fan has seen more red stuff thatn half the volunteers at the local blood drive. Don’t expect a guy who watches Cannibal Holocaust and Dawn of the Dead back-to-back for his Easter Sunday double feature to shy away from a dose of mother nature. Ya never know, Mr. Right just might have True Blood on bluray and a little ole twinkle in his eye.
- We Might Just Kinda, Sorta Bring the Freak…
Horror fans are always looking for the next big scare, the next goriest entry into a genre built around thrill-seeking and more than just a tad bit of voyeurism. That being said, we know the best positions where both of us can still watch The Walking Dead while we entertain our baser impulses.
