“I know I’m a vampire, Snookie.” A little witch-tarded Eric goes a long way in this, the third episode of the new season. Following what I think has been a lackluster season opener, this episode keeps the levity strong and, although it might be one of the more quotable episodes, leaves us with a little too many laughs. After finding the horrible truth behind her fairy heritage, Sookie has returned to Bon Temps a year after her disappearance to find that many of her friends, and even a few of her adversaries, have taken on different roles, and indeed, different lives. Bill, now the King of Louisiana is in full douche mode in this episode and the romance and theme of eternal love that many found endearing about the show is totally gone. In fact, this season seems to be lifted right from a jilted lover’s diary as everyone that once was fighting for love is now ready to hate-hump anyone that comes into their path. Don’t get me wrong… I LOVES the fang-banging!!!.. BUT… it is the characterizations of the shows main protagonists that sold True Blood to me in the first place. SOO the rundown? In this episode, aptly titled “If you Love Me, Why Am I Dyin?” Coven-fisted Eric stumbles around with half a memory as Sookie tries to piece together what happened. Bill unsurprisingly does some more staking of his own (see what I did there?.. oh yeah), now with one of his business partners. Pam threatens to kill EVERYONE. Lafayette is still gay and leads a one man suicide mission to talk to Pam (well in his defense he was trying to reach Eric… who we know is worlds more forgiving) about what happened to Eric (see last comment about her killing EVERYONE). Tara pulls out a gun and that bar wench who did all the screaming the last few seasons?.. yeah, she belts another siren outta her mouth when the shit goes down.. all the while Jessica is glamoring Hoyt into forgetting that she is a slut. Sam is still getting shot down by everyone not in the mood for a psychotic grudge fuck and slaps that pudgy little Andy Belfour right across the cocksucker in the Merlott’s parking lot. Darlene’s kid is still trying to decapitate toys to slake his bloodlust. Did I mention manwhore Bill the King is still being a douche? Although the action might have picked up a little, and a few questions are being answered from previous seasons, True Blood might be on a collision course to the land of shark jumping if we don’t get back on track soon.
