Review – Bikin Girls on Ice

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Year: 2009

Genre: Horror/Thriller


Rating: Unrated

IMDB Score: 3.1/10 (400+ Votes)

Director(s): Geoff Klein

Writer(s): Geoff Klein and Jeff Ross


A bus full of womens college soccer players get stranded on their way to a bikini car-wash fundraiser, they decide to set-up shop in front of an abandoned gas station on the edge of town. Little do they know the place is the stalking-grounds for a homicidal maniac.


There is no way this movie doesn’t have tits,ass,blood & gore. I’m also thinking that this isn’t a serious horror movie.

Fun Fact/Trivia:

The movie is based off of a dream that one of the friends of the director had.

Stars of the movie: Cindel Chartrand,Danielle Doetsch and William Jarand

The Breakdown:

TTFK(Time To First Kill) was just under six minutes and it was not impressive at all. An ax coming down on a chick’s head but we don’t see that,nope,what we see is the ax coming down half way then blackness. I’m not a fan of this and less so when it’s the first damn kill in the movie. It really sets the tone.

3T(Total Titty Time) for a movie called Bikini Girls On Ice you would wager that there would be some naked boobs at some point and you would be right,however,what you would be wrong on is just how much naked boobs there. There is less then 10 seconds of clothe-less breast. And what’s worse is that they aren’t full on melon shots,nope not at all,what they do is shoot the tits from the side and switch angles to much. So if you were hoping for a skin flick this is not it.

There was a total of eight confirmed kills and one implied one for a grand total of nine. Not a bad number at all. There’s a but coming on isn’t there Buck? Yes,yes there is Buckroos. But we only really see one kill happen while the rest are much like the first one,the weapon comes at the vic and then blackness it’s later on when we see the bodies. The one that we actually see was pretty neat. It was a simple slicing of the throat but there wasn’t enough blood if you ask me for that. While on the subject of blood;there was a fair amount of it but really only on the people during the aftermath and not during the actual killing so that was a bit of a bummer. Meaning no real squirting.

There is one thing that really pisses me off about this movie. The killer, well more to the point the noises he makes. This dude doesn’t say a single word in the whole movie. All this dude does is grunt and make heavy breathing noises that a chick would hear on a 2 A.M phone call from a drunk ex. It was such a bugger. And you can tell those noises were put in at post because none of the actors reacted to the noises. This was not a quite man by any means but all the actors just stood there looking around when Marlee Matlin could fucking hear him. Oh and another thing about the killer. This dude does not die but he is 100% human. The fucker took an ice pick through the eye,two shotgun blast from short range,a crow bar to the head and the one that pisses me off behind belief is a knife being thrown right into the carotid artery in his neck. What does he do? Simple he just pulls it out and acts like nothing happened. There’s other stuff but I’ll leave it up to you to get pissed off first hand if you choose to watch this flick.

The acting was all over the place and that’s all I’m saying on that.

This was not a scary movie by any means,shoot,in fact it’s more of a joke than anything,oh and get this,the movie took itself way to seriously. Over seriously almost.

The Verdict:

Not enough tits, blood or gore for a movie whose premise is bikini clad babes washing cars. Poor editing and writing choices make this a hard movie to watch but shockingly this flick had some really good cam work. Nothing out of the normal technical wise,just good ole sturdy cam work. Don’t waste your time with this movie.

I give this movie 2 one piece swimsuits out of 5.

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Written by
Ash Hamilton is not only the owner of, but also one of its major contributors. A long time horror movie enthusiast, Ash has lent his personality to radio and television and continues to support his favorite genre through his writing and art. He also loves beef jerky and puppies... and low-grade street-quality hallucinogens.

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